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Well, some good news anyways….I don’t feel the need to do drugs, drink, self destruct anymore. For today anyways. For right now anyways. I think my food was and is doing pretty decent and it’s the whole wack a mole deal with my other addictions popping up. I asked Dirk if this ever ends. He said no. I don’t know if he was really meaning it or just being sarsactic or if it’s true. I need to talk to him about that more. I forget to bring stuff up to him. Maybe I’ll tell him to read my blog before my session or read it before we start anyways. That’ll get me to blog more!
Anywho….I have a new project. I am re-working Anna Westin’s photo album. I am making it into a digital album. If you know me, then you know who Anna Westin is. If you don’t know who she is, I’ll get you the link in a few minutes. My computer is acting funny and won’t let me get to another page. Oh well…I’ll put the link up about Anna and her story later. The Anna Westin house (obiviously named after her) was where I stayed and did my residential stay. I am just very greatful for that place and I wanted to do something for Anna’a parents. The house had/has her photo album but it’s falling apart so I thought I’d make a digital one for the house (or for Anna’s parents). It’s very hard to go through the book. I looked at it while I was at the house, but this is different. I just can not imagine the pain her parents felt and feel with her loss. She was only 21 when she died of anorexia. It’s just so sad. It’s actually hard and painful to take each photo, scan it, play around with it digitally, etc. I’m getting to know her and it’s sad because she is gone. I just really feel I am meant to do this photo album for some reason. I have one favorite photo that I have done already. It’s her eating supper/lunch/breakfast in bed with her mom and sisters. It’s such a cozy and comfy feeling. Which of course makes it even sadder. Is that a word? I mean more sad. Anyways, let’s just say I am affected by doing this project. I am so thankful her mom is letting me do it. I hope she likes the outcome. Then she can have back the original photos and articles. I am sure these are copies in this (old) photo album. Pictures are just everything for me. I just finished my mom’s book(s) for her. It would of been their 50th wedding anniversary this october. I feel pissed off at my dad for dying. I have been getting more pissed off at him this last year than I have in the past. It’s just that I miss him and the fucker didn’t have to die. He died of chrosis of the liver due to his alcoholism. I know it’s a disease. Just like my alchoholism and eating disorder. But I am doing what I can do about it. May not be perfect but I haven’t drank in almost 8 years (Oct. 13 is my sober date) and I have been in outpatient for my ED for 11 years plus 2 residentials. Anyways, I guess I am pissed off at my dad for dying when it comes to things like this. Or like he’s never seen Madison. Or he’s never met Steve. Or he couldn’t make it to his own 50th wedding anniversary. Whew…that took alot out of me. I don’t like to get mad at him because it does no good. So, I get mad, I grieve, I get over it. Until next time. There….done with my dad rant.
I ate lunch with Steve today at Savoy’s pizza. That was a huge, huge, did I mention HUGE accomplishment? Who’d a thunk? And it didn’t throw me over the edge or make me binge or die. I’m still here:) It reminded me of the good ole’ days when Steve and I were starting off. We’d go there alot. That was a different life time ago. I drank then. So, that must of been 10 years ago. Wow.
I have been sleeping regular again kinda. Except for tonight. It’s 1:3o am. Don’t feel like sleeping. But I shall try in awhile here. Just wanna do one more page for Anna’s book.
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